The child

She waited.

She’d been waiting for over eight months. She knew she was pregnant in November. Almost simultaneously she understood that she had got the wrong father. Did you say “irresponsible”?

A friend (her husband’s best friend) had told her, “Don’t leave him just now. You’d regret it. Try again, just once more.”

Therefore, she tried once more without much hope. But, at the end, splitting with an embryo in the belly, no matter what they say, even if she was supposedly a free woman, supposedly autonomous ; it is not that easy. And, with the winter coming, the first snow and all that, it is always better for nesting to be in a cozy cocoon.

Christmas came. The infant Christ, all of those things about family, one ends up giving into it. Joining the crowd, she let herself go.

Then spring arose, finally. They found a new house. For the two of them, three to be. But also for her husband’s best friend who just lost his apartment ; and, for her brother, unemployed, who just left the hospital. Everyone finally was brought together. Moving keeps you busy. The house filled up. She did not have much time any more to think about her future.

She dared at last to quit her stupid job (her husband’s best friend had told her one day when she was blue, « You won’t lose your baby for them will you ? What are you waiting for ?").

She went into gestation.

They worked in the garden, in expectation of the spring days. They started to arrange the baby’s room. It was really nice, all this pink. She was certain that it would be a girl. She wanted it. She asked for it. She KNEW it.

They prepared the birth announcements. Not with her husband indeed, no, just she and their (her husband’s) best friend. They laughed so much. She truly believed that she was going to miscarry. Those announcements were so smart, so original. Afterwards, you’d just have to add the date, the time and the weight of the baby.

Her husband went from bad to worse.

Obviously he did not bear her pregnancy quite well. But finally, in the middle of all these occupations, well, no need of mention. She did not suffer too much from it, in fact.

And then the friend (his friend) dealt very well with it. During all these months, when the other one was getting lost, drowning in his alcohol vapors. He took her out, took her to the beach, and offered her small presents (lots). Each time she had a wish, he fulfilled it. And yet, he was not quite rich.

He had to stop working (that’s why he had more time for her), after years of good and faithful services, his back ran out of business. Spent in full youth. Disabled at 35, but still upright, still alive and kicking.

A bit later, her brother got the custody of his own children back for one weekend out of two. What a beautiful ground for her to practice. She could do it from time to time during the weekend. Useful, really.

Summer came in and warm weather with it. It felt so good. She hung around all day in the garden in her bathing suit, her large belly free in the open air. Towards the end one would have said a beached whale, but she was in full shape. By chance, she always bore her pregnancies quite well.

This one was to be a success.

She wanted it for so long. After a myopathic child, a first divorce followed by a remarriage, she knew that she had it right this time ; it had to work out.

Finally, one morning, two drops in her panties. ‘That’s it, I’m loosing my water ! ! !’

Her husband was not there. He worked. The friend (his friend) dealt with it. Besides, a strong friendship had developed between them in all that time.

Then it was him who delicately installed her in his car and took her along to the hospital.

Once there, it was him again who took her hand (it was the first time) to help her go through the large revolving door, and take the elevator to maternity. The receptionist was mistaken. They laughed. No, he was not the father.

“Well, sorry dear, in that case, you cannot stay.”

He left. Tears in his eyes. Something broke.

She did not really know why she was so sad (or maybe she knew too well but she did not dare to acknowledge it) and, in front of the great adventure waiting for her, to tell the truth, she did not have much time for introspection.

“Come on, I will examine you.”

It was a false alarm, this matter of water loss. But well, since the maternity was not crowded for once, they still kept her. “We’ll see tomorrow”, they said, “maybe we’ll induce it.”

All night long she heard the lady from the bed next to hers moaning.

She slept very little.

Eventually, in the early morning, the other woman was ready to give birth, but nothing for her yet.

At last, around nine am, she felt the first true pains.

She howls. She is alone, and so lonely.

Suddenly, everyone starts to call her on the phone. Her mother, and the child’s future godmother. Everyone, except for the father who they cannot manage to reach. She keeps on howling, even on the telephone (that will teach them not to call at the wrong time !), and, as the pace of her howls get closer, they get her down to the delivery room. Her husband arrives, at last. It is noon. He could finally leave the store. He does not really hurry, in fact. He would have preferred to eat before coming, for sure…

Things become serious. The doctors arrive. The anesthetist, with his equipment. The midwife, quietly unpacking her things. It will be proceeded to the epidural, but we still have time…

Suddenly… “The baby wants to get out, I need to puuuuuuuuuuuuusssssshhhhhhhh !”

Everyone panics in the room. All of a sudden they run in random directions. The anesthetist finds himself stuck against the wall, entangled in his pipes. The nurses seem to dance a strange ballet. She feels like she’s playing in a black and white movie in an accelerated version… If it wasn’t hurting so much, she sure would burst into laughter !

She’s been there for only half an hour and the big moment comes already. Now the head can be seen. The head comes out. A last good push and there she is. The little chick is entirely out. The doc puts her on her mother’s belly. They meet. What an emotion !

After that, during the stitching up of the episiotomy, the father goes and washes the newborn. It’s what they do now. You see, all that eases the bonding together.

Once the running up is over, she feel she deserves a cigarette. And even something to drink, along with it. Thus, she gets up and goes down to the cafeteria.

After the child has been bathed, dried and comfortably lined in her cradle, her husband joins her.

The entire family is there. Her brother, her husband’s best friend… even some family members she did not expect. Her husband’s best friend’s mother, and one of his aunts as well.

Why not ? Doesn’t a child belong to everyone who loves him ? Her mother-in-law came too. With plenty of flowers. Normal, she owns a flowers shop. The baby’s godmother is there, with a chain bracelet with the baby’s name already engraved on it. There is a slight hesitation’s moment. Is the grandmother or the godmother supposed to offer the first chain bracelet ?

People drink and smoke, and, at the end, she feels the need to rest.

She kisses everyone goodbye, ‘it was great to see you, thanks for coming, and till next time ok ?’ And up she goes in the room that she was assigned. Her legs shake a little, all right, but well, it’s quite normal after a childbirth isn’t it ?

Against the wall of the room are sitting about ten “strangers”. All these gentlemen are busy chatting, after having borrowed all the chairs of the floor. In the second bed, sits a young lady, obviously from Northern Africa or so. She certainly gave birth to a son, because if not, there would not be so many men here. But one cannot see the baby. She thrones on her bed like a queen in exile.

Go for it ! It won’t last anyway…

As soon as you’ll be leaving, you’ll be ready for the next baby. Another male preferably, they do need them in your country. A lot of them.

Strange for her to walk in front of all these men as she reaches for her bed. And then, it is somewhat humiliating, with her hospital gown open in the back (one sees it all !) to go to the restroom and all that… She finally gets to lie down.

They bring her daughter in, in a cute little pink cradle.

She is alone. Lonely. Lost.

It’s been a long time since the father of the child left. He had to eat before going back to work.

She does not even think of eating. Moreover, it’s too late now. Hospitals do not take care of delivery times for their meals schedules… Her bed stands beside the window. But it’s too low to enable her to see outside.

All at once she has to climb to it with her hands.

A force of an incredible violence submerges her.

Its instinctive. Animal.

It comes from the deepest of the ages.

She does not understand what is going on.

She is scared.

She does not event dare to yell « mom ! » since, from now on ; “she” is the “mom”.

She closes her eyes, she is clutched.

Time passes, she does not breathe anymore.

One second, thirty seconds, one minute.

Unbearable.

She is going to give up.

And then, at the very moment she is to submit herself to this strange force, the urgency leaves her.

She is free.

Fortunately.

She was very, very close,

to throw her baby…

… through the window.

Phew…

Not really much time later… her new lover and husband-to-be (in the past her husband’s best friend) explained to her :"did you know that in the jungle, when a lioness loses her companion and meets another one, she must first kill the babies issued of her first brood before starting with her new life again ?".